Before I delve into my thoughts and feelings here, I want to ensure that the basis of my posts comes from a place of full understanding. A basic deep dive from my intro.

Again, I know I’m not special or unique in that I’ve felt deep loss in my life. I know that there are others out there that have been through traumatic and more life altering changes than I. I am not discounting that.

This is an opportunity for me to voice my thoughts in a way where I hope I can reach someone. Someone who may need to hear what I have to say. Who may be in a similar position as I was.

What I do understand is that loss, no matter of who, hits hard when it’s close. Whether expected or not, it still cuts your soul in places you never knew existed. The times you reach for the phone wanting to share something. The times you want to invite someone then realizing they won’t be there physically. The times that you realize it was the last time you heard their voice or hugged them.

I write this to recognize those moments, because they deserve to be recognized. Although it makes us sad in the moment, I also realize we should be grateful we have a last memory of a moment. One of the most heart breaking sentences I ever heard was on a podcast where a person writing in about their deceased parent stated “I’ve almost forgotten their voice.” They went on with a positive sentiment, but it was a reminder,

It reminded me to think of the last time I heard my parents say “I love you.” It reminded me to commit to memory the way they smelled and how it felt when they hugged me. It’s not easy as the years pass, but what I’ve found is that those memories never truly leave. Sometimes I’ll be walking and smell my Dad’s aftershave or my Mom’s perfume. Sometimes in the quiet I’ll hear their words of encouragement to me in their voices. So even when we think we’ve forgotten, those memories are still there.

While their deaths impacts my life, it’s not my identity. They were very adamant about me forging my own path, but this is my way of recognizing that, and the impact on my life. I say this because I believe those who have passed want us to continue to thrive. While we use time to remember, and mourn, we also must learn to gain strength and fortitude from what they provided us.

Again, I am not unique. I am not special. But I do have a voice, and I want to use it to inspire and encourage others to live the life that those who love them saw them living.