“Nostalgia is that warm emotion linked with a memory. It’s often described as bittersweet, a combination of feeling joy and longing for the past.” — Dr. Susan Albers

The holidays are often the hardest time for many people experiencing grief. It’s a reminder of one less gift to purchase. One less smile and hug experienced. One less laugh heard. However there are so many happy memories that one can recall, at least in my case.

I didn’t realize until I was older what kind of magic that my parents created for me during the holidays. They put a small tree in my room so that I could wake up to a filled stocking, in which I would happily open early in the morning and the re-stuff so that my parents could watch me discover it when I inevitably woke them at 7am. I now realize it was probably a ploy by Santa to allow my parents a little extra sleep!

My Mom would make Christmas candies, help me decorate the tree, and pick one gift I was allowed to open on Christmas Eve to help ease the suspense. Dad would create fun ways for me to open my “big wish” gift whether it was a scavenger hunt or making me wait until the last possible minute when I thought all gifts were done to bring it out. He would also make a large breakfast that usually always consisted of “silver dollar” pancakes that he loved to make.

After a filling morning, we would pack the car and heard to one Grandparents for Christmas lunch, and the other for dinner. Meeting family and eating our fill each time. I’m still not sure how I was able to stuff myself at each house!

Looking back, I realize how special these moments were. The time with family, the acts of giving, seeing people smile and laugh and enjoy being with each other. It’s true that you don’t know you are in the good days when you are in the good days. I miss that nostalgia of not having electronics to distract us, playing outside with my cousins, being run out of my Grandparents kitchen trying to sneak a piece of turkey or ham.

Although my family gatherings are much smaller now, I still thoroughly enjoy sitting with my tree lights on in the evening, thinking about those times. Looking at the gifts under the tree and knowing that I find much more joy out of giving rather than receiving, and knowing that’s how my parents felt as well. Laughing when I wrap presents thinking how Mom used to put mine in boxes and then allow me to “help” by wrapping my own gifts. Eagerly checking the mailbox for cards from friends and family. And the general excitement of anticipation.

The parents really did make the magic. I admit, it’s much harder to feel that magic for me these days. I’ve realized that the holidays will never be the same for me. Not that it is a bad thing, just different. While I long for that nostalgic feeling, I realize that I have to learn how to create the magic in new ways, Whether it is continuing traditions or taking the times to remember those who instilled that lovely feeling in us, and being thankful that they cared enough to do so.

So this holiday, I hope you can take the time to remember and thank those you may have lost and love. It’s evident they still have an impact on us if we are longing for the memories that we made with them.